GUEST POST: 2 ways fundraising helps you heal

There are numerous ways to set up memorials for loved ones, and Beautiful Tribute has successfully provided one way to do that online. An online tribute is a simple way to remember someone, and because it is accessible anywhere it can be seen and contributed to by other people who also take comfort from it.

Set up by UK-based founder, Sandeep Sekon, this website also offers a fundraising option to help people raise memory of their loved one.

Victoria at Beautiful Tribute wrote this blog post especially for Chasing Dragonflies to share ways that fundraising helps comfort the bereaved.

**************************************************

When we deal with the death of a loved one, the emotional pain is so intense that we feel it may never end. For some people this might be the case. However, for most people it can take around two years to understand how to cope with these emotions. Even when we’re aware that over time we will heal and the feelings will lessen, it is mentally challenging to accept this in the initial grieving stage.

So, instead of trying to alleviate this pain and sorrow, why not try to channel our feelings – in a more positive way? Fundraising in memory site Beautiful Tribute has seen just this. People are increasingly honouring the memory of loved ones by creating memorials online and fundraising in memory. It is clear that given the opportunity, we can find comfort in personalising memorials by including pictures, having a favourite song play in the background, sharing loving videos and stories. Fundraising for a personal event or a charity is also an important part of this. Not only is this an effective way to pay a tribute to a loved one, it also creates a sense of healing by uniting those affected by loss and branching out the support system.

Fundraise for a personal event

We have hurt and cried and now it’s time to celebrate – celebrate the life of our loved one! Give them the beautiful tribute they deserve! Family and friends are collecting funds and taking part in events, personal to their loved one, to commemorate them. The rising trend in in-memory funding has proven that it has a positive effect. So ask yourself: What were their hobbies or favourite holiday spots? Did they enjoy skiing? Or rocking and rolling to a Michael Jackson concert? Whatever it is, this is exactly what you can do! What’s more, you will find peace within yourself in doing so.

Yes, it may feel like there are one too many things to consider. And of course, it isn’t easy to think about planning an event when you’re simultaneously trying to accept the loss of a loved one. However, you can remind yourself that this is a positive and essential step towards healing, so you will need to be brave. Try to focus not on how, but why you are doing this.

Fundraise for a charity

When someone dear to our hearts passes away, it is easy to feel lost and without purpose. We may find that acting in good cause can help us to feel slightly better. We get a sense of purpose and satisfaction from helping others and this is exactly what we need during a time of bereavement. One way to go about this is by fundraising in memory of a loved one towards a charity. Whether the charity has supported you or your loved one through a difficult period, or whether the purpose of the charity is to help fight against a specific medical condition, creating a fundraising campaign can see you through a tough time. Not only are you honouring someone’s memory by helping others, you’ve also turned what is often a dark and depressing time into a genuine act of kindness.

Try to see the silver lining

We all deal with death differently. Even though some of us cope with our emotions easier, or heal quicker than others, what remains is that we all grieve when someone close to our hearts dies. While we can’t lessen this pain completely, we can attempt to heal in a healthy way. Try to see the silver lining in fundraising in memory of a loved one. Whether you fundraise to plan a personal event, or for a charity, you are sure to feel uplifted and will find yourself better coping with your emotions.

 If you’d like to create an online memorial for someone, please visit www.beautifultribute.com 

Image credit: Beautiful Tribute

Advertisements

Does it get any easier? Grief five years on

I somehow thought it would be easier to grieve as the years passed.

I feel I need a badge or something.

I’ve survived five years.

I’ve moved into the second stage grief club… that’s for the more experienced grief survivors. The ones who are asked and can give advice to the unfortunate newbies.

But at five years I’m still sad. I still miss her. The memories aren’t as fresh, but they are still there.

The other day, I sat with an elderly man, in his eighties, and we shared the usual small talk about ourselves and family. While pleasant enough, he was a man of few words. He didn’t often make eye contact and appeared to want to keep himself to himself. His answers brief and clipped.

As I gabbled on, to fill the awkward silences, as I tend to do, talking briskly about my children there came the inevitable time when I had to mention Abi. My daughter who died aged 12.

He looked right at me. He dropped his gaze again and ever so softly that I could barely hear revealed he too had a lost child. A child he hadn’t mentioned to that point. His child died around 35 years ago, aged just 17. The middle child.

My heart opened up to him then, my perspective changed, knowing he has lived not just five years but a lifetime of grieving.

I didn’t care about etiquette then. I gently laid my hand on his thin, frail hand and he looked at me again. With tears in my eyes for both of us, I said simply, “I’m so sorry.”

He continued to look at me, sightly stunned. A delayed reaction of a man who rarely mentions the child who died.

His grief and mine were very different. He went on to say they were advised at the time not to grieve forever, he felt his child wouldn’t want him to. Even so, the pain of childloss was still there and could be brought to the surface in a moment. From what he said of his other children, the impact was still felt, unsaid, the family forever scarred by loss.

I’m not over it. I’m living with it, and I suppose pretty well. I’m working, creating, homemaking. I’m still a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I’m still me but behind my eyes and in my heart is the small hole pierced by the sword of grief.

On special days, memorable days, I cry. The memories press into my present mind asking to be replayed. I start them, but then find it too much.

I miss her so, so much…

390577_10151422378970966_1636433800_n

I miss the child her and the young adult her. I miss everything about her.

I remember it all. Her being alive, her dying, her being gone. I haven’t forgotten the sound of her voice, her quirky mannerisms, the infectious energy she seemed to radiate. I treasure those memories and hope, when I’m in my eighties, I  will be able to talk about her the same way I do now.

I’d love to tell you that it gets better. It doesn’t, not really, but it gets a little easier with time. But just because this is part of you now, that’s no reason to give up, to succumb to the despair. Grief may be part of my story, but it’s not my whole story. I take comfort knowing she is safe, with Jesus, and also that Jesus is with me. So we can never truly be apart.

Related posts

The 3rd year anniversary 
The 1st year anniversary