Our eldest daughter, Abigail, died aged 12, on 10th February 2013, following a sudden brain haemorrhage at home on 6th February.
At the time, I was still coming to terms with two consecutive miscarriages; one early at seven weeks and then losing our fourth child, a girl we named Bella, at 14.5 weeks pregnant, just two weeks before Abi died. We’d had a horrible couple of months leading up to that loss, as it was expected but kept very private. My mind was consumed by that and raging hormones, and my body was still healing, but nothing could have prepared us for the tragedy and heartache that was to follow …
I was churned up inside with so many emotions, thoughts and feelings. I went to the doctor in the early days, not knowing what to do about this and she simply said ‘write about it’, so I started this blog. It’s true that no pill can be prescribed for grief, and thankfully I find writing comes naturally to me and is a theraputic way to release my thoughts and get things off my chest.
I have also since realised that, by sharing my thoughts, there are other people out there who are interested, are in the same place, or want to understand what I’m going through. It’s been a two-way means of help and support as my network grows and I meet like-minded people.
I may be, no, I need to be honest about my feelings here in order to express the reality of human emotion during a time like this. Due to this sensitive subject, sometimes my blogs might be difficult to read or comprehend (grief is a very sticky subject!), they might be angry or sorrowful in tone, but I want to ensure I capture the moment as accurately and honestly as possible and would like to stress that it’s never my intention to offend or upset others. Indeed, it’s these outpourings which are useful for me to read back on over time, to recall how I felt and assess how far I’ve come, (or not). So, if this site can be of help to me as well as others, it can only be a good thing.
This blog will most likely cover bereavement, experience of death, pregnancy and parenting, faith, organ donation, fundraising and charitable work, as well as poems and prayers that come to mind while I’m dealing with my grief. This is a personal expression and generally won’t include those of my spouse, children or family unless to add to a point, as it’s not my place to speak for them in the public domain.
If you feel any of my posts might be of interest to others, please feel free to share them. When Abi first died, I spent hours searching online for similar help like this and didn’t find much, so I was keen to create something honest that others in my position can read. Grief is grief, and no matter if you’ve lost a child, parent or partner, there are many similarities in how life is for those of us left behind.
I’d also love to hear your comments or thoughts on anything you read here.
Thank you for taking time to visit.