Our eldest daughter, Abigail, died aged 12, on 10th February 2013, following a sudden brain haemorrhage at home on 6th February.
At the time, I was still coming to terms with two consecutive miscarriages; one early at seven weeks and then losing our fourth child, a girl we named Bella, at 14.5 weeks pregnant, just two weeks before Abi died. We’d had a horrible couple of months leading up to that loss, as it was expected but kept very private. My mind was consumed by that and raging hormones, and my body was still healing, but nothing could have prepared us for the tragedy and heartache that was to follow …
I was churned up inside with so many emotions, thoughts and feelings. I went to the doctor in the early days, not knowing what to do about this and she simply said ‘write about it’, so I started this blog. It’s true that no pill can be prescribed for grief, and thankfully I find writing comes naturally to me and is a theraputic way to release my thoughts and get things off my chest.
I have also since realised that, by sharing my thoughts, there are other people out there who are interested, are in the same place, or want to understand what I’m going through. It’s been a two-way means of help and support as my network grows and I meet like-minded people.
I may be, no, I need to be honest about my feelings here in order to express the reality of human emotion during a time like this. Due to this sensitive subject, sometimes my blogs might be difficult to read or comprehend (grief is a very sticky subject!), they might be angry or sorrowful in tone, but I want to ensure I capture the moment as accurately and honestly as possible and would like to stress that it’s never my intention to offend or upset others. Indeed, it’s these outpourings which are useful for me to read back on over time, to recall how I felt and assess how far I’ve come, (or not). So, if this site can be of help to me as well as others, it can only be a good thing.
This blog will most likely cover bereavement, experience of death, pregnancy and parenting, faith, organ donation, fundraising and charitable work, as well as poems and prayers that come to mind while I’m dealing with my grief. This is a personal expression and generally won’t include those of my spouse, children or family unless to add to a point, as it’s not my place to speak for them in the public domain.
If you feel any of my posts might be of interest to others, please feel free to share them. When Abi first died, I spent hours searching online for similar help like this and didn’t find much, so I was keen to create something honest that others in my position can read. Grief is grief, and no matter if you’ve lost a child, parent or partner, there are many similarities in how life is for those of us left behind.
I’d also love to hear your comments or thoughts on anything you read here.
Thank you for taking time to visit.
22 thoughts on “Why I write about grief”
Truly touching, thankyou for sharing it does help other bereaved Mothers like myself/
i wish you strenghth on your journey ahead.
please have a look at my website http://www.giftsforangels.co.uk i would be happy to offer you any of the Grave Ornaments or Vases i have (no Charge).
Your recent blog was very interesting and im sure will be helpful to others.
Michelle De La Motte-Rice x
Thank you so much Michelle. I’ll certainly have a look. God bless you for being so thoughtful. xxx
Hello, I am so sorry, please can you let me know what colour vase you wanted and your address please, I can not seem to fine your email. Michelle xxx
Sent from my iPad
Hello, thank you for following my blog and introducing me to yours. It’s a profound journey you are on, and your honesty is truly admirable.
With warm wishes,
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I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.
I have found writing to be really helpful with my own grief (my son was stillborn at 41 weeks) I guess all our emotions have to go somewhere and better onto the page/screen.
Again, I am so sorry.
Hi Abi’s Mom,
I wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. I am also very sorry for the loss of you daughter, Abi. We are connected in our grief as I can relate to you and your situation. I am a father who lost my son Jacob on February 25, 2002 and he was born on the same day as Abi, the 13th of Feb. He was 11 or as you would put it he is forever 11. I love that description. Our circumstances may be different in terms of our children’s passing, but our deep understanding of the process is the same. I have just started my own blog recently, and then found yours, so feel free in your time to visit mine. The link is http://www.fathersfeelingtheloss.com
Dear David – thank you so much for leaving your lovely comment and I’m so sorry about Jacob, I will certainly look at your blog as a father’s perspective is so often unheard. Peace to you all x
Thank you, I am a grieving grandma, or ‘gogi helen’ as I am called… my grandson Peter Baldwin aged 13 and 27 days died Jan 6 th from diagnosis of type 1 diabetes….masked by chest infection and virus. My daughter Bethan and son in law Stu have already raised over 10 k for diabetes uk and I am so proud of them. I cant explain how I feel as I cant find the words, so thank you for yours and I just know they will help our family, and I am sure Bethan will comment. Sending our love to you, Helen XX
Thank you Helen. I’m so very sorry about Peter, you must all still be reeling from the shock. Life is just so so precious. It’s a wonderful thing his parents have done in his memory! It’s so hard to know that what brings people to my blog is the death of a child but I hope parts of my blog offer some small comfort in your shattered lives. Thank you for reading xxx
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts as your walk this terrible journey of grief. No parent ever expects it. But we find ourselves coping with our worst night mare. It helps to know we are not alone.
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Hi Abigail’s mum .just found you voa twitter as i follow grief blogs . She looks so wonderfully alive and enjoying life in the photos. Its the thing that comforts that my son had a happy life, good friends, holidays, biking etc. And flowers are my way to of connecting luckily i can walk there to the graveyard overlooking the lake. Much good wishes
Hi, firstly I would like to say that your blog is inspiring and powerful. I am doing a research, about death meanings, for the final work in social psychology, in skovde, sweden and I would like to ask your permission to use your blog for my research.
Hi Rita – thank you for your message, yes please do feel free to share my blog. Thank you very much for asking. I wish you the best of luck with your work. x
I stumbled across your blog, as most grief moms do, by way of another grief mom. This circle of child-loss moms seems to grow ever wider. I, too, blog about our loss and have found writing to be a balm. We are almost four and a half years into the journey, and I am still amazed at how many of us are a part of the “club no one wants to be a part of.” I wish it weren’t so, yet am thankful for having met such wonderful moms who share their journey with honesty and vulnerability, for it is in doing so that they help other grieving mothers. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. ((hugs)), Angie (www.awindowintogrief.blogspot.com)
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I also stumbled upon your blog from another mom. My son died last March, he was 21. I am all in a tizzy over the month of March coming this year. I really resonated with your post about Abi’s anniversary. He was my oldest, I have a 19 yr. old son and a 15 year old daughter. I envy your filling up your house with more babies; it is my fantasy (I am too old), but it’s not like it takes away the pain, I’m sure. Looking forward to reading more of your blog.
I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in this grief club. Thank you for reading I hope you find something here that resonates. You’re right babies are fantastic but it doesn’t change the pain x
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I am so glad to have found your blog. My own son died over 10 years ago and his loss still affects me everyday. I now have dibilating anxiety and am trying to gather the strength to find helpful myself (and by extension my family). I want you to know that your blog makes a true difference in my life and I am so grateful for you!
I have pushed down my feeling and thoughts for so long but seeing how it has helped you to write your feeling gives me great hope.
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