I dreamt of you

In my morning sleep, the sleep before the day begins, I saw you Clear, real, here You were standing on the landing, in the doorway to our bedroom. From my bed, I talked to you Like I used to You up and ready for the day Me rousing from sleep You looked a year or […]

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The heartache of decluttering after Abi diedΒ 

Ever since I had children, I’ve been bagging up clothes and toys for either car boot sales or charity shops, although it always seems the more I ‘recycle’ the more ‘stuff’ comes back into the house! It’s been a long time since we did a car boot…  I say ‘we’ as normally Abi and I […]

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Just a bunch of grapes

I’ve realised I’ve started buying grapes again, and not just buying them… eating them too! Abi loved grapes. She’d come in from school and devour a bunch easily while watching TV. Ever since she died, I’ve not been able to even look at grapes. I bought some once about a year ago, just to see […]

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Surviving grief

Surviving my bereavement is not something I feel I’ve achieved by any means, yet, but I am beginning to see that in order to survive the loss of my child, I’ve needed to find and maintain a balance between grieving and living. ‘Surviving’ feels like an unusual word to use when I consider that it’s […]

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And then our world fell apart

It is exactly a year ago today that Abi came downstairs looking pale and complained she felt really ill. Exactly a year since our world was turned upside down and inside out. I never really imagined what this day would be like, despite people telling me ‘all the anniversaries will be hard’. Anniversaries? Anniversaries are […]

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How many children does a bereaved mother have?

The note about what to write in a card to a grieving person in my last post seemed to strike a cord with some readers. Some recognised the uncertainty of what to do for the best, others realised they’d never considered how this simple gesture could be interpreted by the recipient, others recalled past occasions […]

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