Following on from My Great Loves guest post about turning back into dust, I wanted to share our experience of interring Abi’s ashes.
Choosing a burial or cremation is a decision I really wasn’t prepared for when Abi died. I knew she’d died and that we’d have to have a funeral, but I just didn’t consider the speed at which we needed to decide which method of burial we wanted. If we chose cremation then her body could be brought home from the hospital much faster than if we wanted her buried (paperwork!).
Abi’s memorial has a cherry blossom tree next to it, but it’s only young, having been planted last May with her ashes. The first small buds are starting to form ready for springtime.
So, while it’s still small and not much to look at, it is a poignant reminder that life carries on… Soon there will be pretty pink flowers over Abi, reminding us of her vibrance, joy for life and beauty.
To commemorate Abi’s passing, we bought lots of small ribbons in bright colours… blues, pinks and funky leopard print.
We tied them all over the tree and were really pleased with the result. It looks pretty for a young teen and suits her style.
Even so, we can’t believe that this is all we can do for her, but at least it’s something. Tending a grave or memorial is such a vital part of still feeling like her mother, by doing practical, motherly things for her; just like I would help her with choosing hair accessories or makeup, I want to ensure she always has pretty flowers and looks presentable.
I have no idea how we will do this over the years… will our tributes change as she ages, or will she always be aged 12/13 in our eyes? That is something we can’t possibly decide now and will have to face with time.
Another poem we chose for Abi’s church service, read by another uncle.
You were so very, very special
And were so from the start
We held you in our arms
But mainly in our hearts.
And like a single drop of rain
That on still waters fall,
Your life did ripples make
And touched the lives of all.
You’ve gone to play with angels
In heaven up above
So we’ll keep our special memories
And treasure them with love
Although you, our darling daughter,
Were with us just a while
You’ll live on in our hearts
With a sweet remembered smile.
A poem we chose to be read at Abi’s church funeral service, read beautifully by one of Abi’s uncles. It was one we’d read to her in the past and reminded us of her.
I’ve watched you now a full half-hour;
Self-poised upon that yellow flower
And, little Butterfly! indeed
I know not if you sleep or feed.
How motionless! – not frozen seas
More motionless! and then
What joy awaits you, when the breeze
Hath found you out among the trees,
And calls you forth again!