My second daughter, Abi’s sister, is growing up.
OK, that’s not surprising and I should be thankful, she has now surpassed Abi’s age by three years. Yet, now, aged 15, I see this young woman transformed before me. The same height as me, the same determined look in her eye, the same belief that she is right…
She shouts at me to stop ‘staring’ yet I find myself unconsciously gazing in wonder at her beauty and maturity.
All of a sudden.
I’m told (by text) I don’t need to collect her from school, she’s off to town with her friends. Having spent so long trying to establish friendships with new people who don’t know her history, I know how important this is to her.
Yet I’m sad. I’m unprepared.
I recently took my daughter, age 12, to watch Inside Out. It was a rare day that we had alone and I felt it would be a poignant film to see together.
Having researched the film (which I have to do with anything I expose my children to), I was impressed by the reviews which said the film offered a unique way of viewing how our emotions work in a way that children could relate to. I initially wanted to see the film because I thought it would give my daughter further insight into why she might feel the way she does and then have more understanding of her emotions. All this wrapped up in an entertaining Disney Pixar movie!
But I wasn’t prepared for the film to speak to me! To my grief. To make me think about Abi, too.
This feels a bit like a confession… I want to give up breastfeeding.
Baby J is now seven months old. I’m amazed I’ve got this far! After the horrible start, which took me around 16 weeks to comfortably establish feeding, I didn’t want to give up.
I passed the six-month mark and thought I’d wean him off then. I know it’s advised to feed for a year these days, but I just couldn’t see myself doing it that long, what with teeth and the endless night feeds. I fed Boy J up to six months and that was what I had in mind this time round too.
But we’ve now passed seven months and I’m still in two minds.
So, I’ve been thinking about the reasons I want to give up breastfeeding:
I’ve been wondering if my blog might become tiring for some readers, thinking all this doom, gloom and outpouring just tends to bring people down too, so they may start to avoid it. I truly hope not, of course, and I try hard to keep my posts realistic and retain some humour or joyful reflections as well as the more sombre side.
But then I read this other blog post (below) and found myself agreeing that life isn’t all rosy and we shouldn’t feel obliged to keep jolly about everything to avoid uncomfortable, bad feelings. I’m determined to keep my blog true to my feelings, and by doing so it will show joy, pain, anger, irrationality, sorrow and everything in between, and hopefully reach someone else who is experiencing the same thing.
From The Well Written Woman blog: ‘Yesterday, someone on my Facebook page posted the quote “If you can’t be positive, at least be quiet.” I have no idea who this person was quoting, and I realize how tiresome it is to read so many negative posts every day, but really, this statement bothered me. At first glance it seems like solid advice, to stay positive, but is that the way life really works?’
To read more, click here.