Just a bunch of grapes

I’ve realised I’ve started buying grapes again, and not just buying them… eating them too!

Abi loved grapes. She’d come in from school and devour a bunch easily while watching TV.

Ever since she died, I’ve not been able to even look at grapes. I bought some once about a year ago, just to see if I could have them again. But I felt like gagging when I tried to eat one. The image of her happily munching away on them was all too recent. So I’ve avoided buying grapes… until the last few weeks.

It wasn’t a conscious decision, which is interesting. I just seem to be okay with it now.

It’s just fruit! Grief is funny like that.

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There’s no such thing as a ‘simple’ gesture

When Abi died, we were overwhelmed by the support we received from the community, from friends and strangers alike. The attention quite naturally faded away in time, but we still have moments where people go out of their way to help us in some way.

These days, it seems the world is a more cynical place; nothing is for free, right? But I’ve seen a different side to life and people. There are so many kind souls out there who think of us and our loss as they go about their own lives. Friends will drop in little treats and gifts (often dragonfly related) which really lift us. Yet the kindness of strangers is something I will always cherish, and not all of them know of our bereavement.

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Giving up the guilt about screen time

Screens – tablets, phones, computers, TVs, kindles – how much do you love yours?

I’m in the ‘love them a lot but hate them a little bit too’ group.

The use of smartphones and tablets in particular is such a contentious issue it seems, but we all still have them, and have come to rely on them and the technology they give us at our fingertips, even if we actually dislike it!

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Life with a reflux baby

All babies are sick, right? They bring back up a dribble of milk occasionally after a feed, sometimes a bit more. But when your baby is sick a lot, it can make for a difficult life for a while.

Of my four children, both my sons had reflux. I had my daughters first so, to be honest, I can’t remember how sicky they were. But I do recall it getting worse with each child. I had severe reflux myself when I was born, and I’m told it was custard that kept me alive as I couldn’t keep anything thinner down! That was the mid-70s, thankfully I’ve not been given the same advice as my mum was then, even though it seemed to do the trick!

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Followed by a fairy

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The day before we left to go on our holiday, we were sat discussing what we wanted to do and I suddenly felt something tickle my arm. I jumped thinking it was a fly, but it turned out to be a thistledown, or a ‘fairy’ as my mum used to call them when I was little, that had floated into the house. We all laughed. It was the first one I’d seen this year.

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Did puberty trigger my daughter’s death?

My middle daughter came home from school yesterday with a pretty box stuffed full of sanitary towels and tampons. They’d had the end-of-year talk about sex and periods.

My daughter wasn’t fussed. She’s quite happy to wait to grow up and, while she knows periods will happen at some point, she’s in no hurry and would rather be dreaming of ponies. However, as I took the box out of her book bag, my grief hit me again. I was taken back to July 2012 when Abi had had the same class talk. Continue reading

National Transplant Week – Abi’s organ donation update

This week is National Transplant Week, and I’ve just changed my profile picture in support of the campaign (see here to do the same) and I thought it a perfect opportunity to share the outcome of Abi’s organ donation. Continue reading

Guest post: Returning to dust

My Great Loves is a blog I came across on WordPress Reader. This military wife and mother lost her darling first born son, ‘Gift’, age 12 in a tragic accident. She blogs anonymously about her ‘loves’ – her husband and children, her grief and family life. I have been moved by her touching honesty and the way she blogs about how her faith has been her strength. I find her faith inspiring and she kindly agreed to write something for me about how death is not the end.

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