(Jo Powell kindly shared this moving reflection some years ago. Sadly, Jo died in April 2023. I still miss her joyful face and caring nature very much. She was a very special human.) I was pacing the landing with my teething baby at 3am last night and all I could think of was you. AsContinueContinue reading “Guest post: Thoughts of loss and hope at Christmas”
Author Archives: Kelly 🌻
I can’t let go of my children’s toys!
We’ve been having a bit of a clear out, which we need to do fairly frequently with six of us in the house. Our boys’ bedroom had become very cluttered with toys, clothes, books and teddies. We tidied it up but decided that as the large buckets of teddies weren’t played with much at allContinueContinue reading “I can’t let go of my children’s toys!”
Remembering Abi on her 16th birthdayÂ
Having just seen Abi’s 16th birthday come and go, I realised it never gets easier. This is her fourth birthday in heaven. Abi’s 13th birthday was ten months after she died, in 2013. It felt unbearable. She was so looking forward to becoming a teenager, she’d already been thinking about what she might do. We hadContinueContinue reading “Remembering Abi on her 16th birthday “
A letter to you on your sixteenth birthdayÂ
I pause before even writing a word as the thought of you turning 16 in heaven breaks my heart all over again. I’m sorry sweetheart. I know you are safe, I feel that, but I feel so lost without you near me. You’re the one who is safe, I’m the one running scared. My mindContinueContinue reading “A letter to you on your sixteenth birthday “
I should be organising your 16th birthday party
I’m at a loss. How do you ‘celebrate’ your child’s birthday when they are dead? I should be chasing around here and there, buying balloons, presents, sorting things out, baking an amazing cake. Instead I sit here and can only do these things in my head, while my stomach churns with longing and my eyesContinueContinue reading “I should be organising your 16th birthday party”
The hypervigilant mumma – will I ever switch off?
So we’ve been a bit ill again. Jake’s been the worst hit this autumn. Normally a very healthy child, he’s had a chest infection, sickness and now another cold virus that has brought him out in itchy hives. On Saturday, I was home alone with Jake and Naomi. Daddy and Joe were at the football,ContinueContinue reading “The hypervigilant mumma – will I ever switch off?”
Reinstating our children’s bedtime routine
The last time my hubby and I sat in front of the telly in the lounge with our children all in bed upstairs was around 4th February 2013, over three years ago. We always had a fairly reasonable bedtime routine for our three children. Upstairs around 8pm, get ready and then a story. As Abi and herContinueContinue reading “Reinstating our children’s bedtime routine”
Grief is a thief: losing your child robs you of more than them
While death is something I accept as part of life, the impact of a death, especially that of my child, troubles me. Her death has been and gone, she is at rest now, yet the ripples of that loss pass over me constantly. I’ve largely accepted that she’s not coming back, I’m making the best ofContinueContinue reading “Grief is a thief: losing your child robs you of more than them”
Living with joy and sorrow when grieving for your child
After you’ve lost a child, you somehow find ways to live on. You don’t actively seek ways to help your situation, the adjustment sort of happens by itself. When people say to you ‘I don’t know how you cope’, you look at them blankly, and most likely simply say ‘I just do’. But it makesContinueContinue reading “Living with joy and sorrow when grieving for your child”
Take me home – a pop song prayer
When trying to rebuild a life that’s been broken – it can feel like you’re grappling in the darkness, utterly alone, tired, afraid. Even the simplest routines go out of sync, the pace of life seems five steps faster than what we can manage. We’re barely breathing. Fear, grief, faith, hope all mingle into a mess that leaves usContinueContinue reading “Take me home – a pop song prayer”
Chasing Dragonflies 