Don’t sweat the small stuff, pray it!

Since Abi died, prayer has become part of my day. I didn’t often pray before, except in church or the occasional Lord’s Prayer. Now, my prayers are more like mini conversations with God. Sometimes, I read a psalm or sing a worship song. Sometimes I read a passage of the Bible aloud, slowly. I rarely […]

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I should be organising your 16th birthday party

I’m at a loss. How do you ‘celebrate’ your child’s birthday when they are dead? I should be chasing around here and there, buying balloons, presents, sorting things out, baking an amazing cake. Instead I sit here and can only do these things in my head, while my stomach churns with longing and my eyes […]

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Take me home – a pop song prayer

When trying to rebuild a life that’s been broken – it can feel like you’re grappling in the darkness, utterly alone, tired, afraid. Even the simplest routines go out of sync, the pace of life seems five steps faster than what we can manage. We’re barely breathing. Fear, grief, faith, hope all mingle into a mess that leaves us […]

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You are my sunshine – a birthday poem

My darling Abi, I recall you lying on your changing mat when you were a tiny baby Those early months just you and me while Daddy was at work Finding my feet with this miraculous little person Who had grown inside me for nine months I found I would sing ‘You are my sunshine’ to […]

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I dreamt of you

In my morning sleep, the sleep before the day begins, I saw you Clear, real, here You were standing on the landing, in the doorway to our bedroom. From my bed, I talked to you Like I used to You up and ready for the day Me rousing from sleep You looked a year or […]

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An elephant in the room

  There’s an elephant in the room. It is large and squatting, So it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with “How are you?” And “I’m fine” And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything – except the […]

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Make Me a Channel of Your Peace

Often, during the week, a prayer, hymn, or Bible passage will be repeating in my mind. I feel this is no small coincidence as it often reflects or resolves something I’m brooding over. When writing my blog posts the other day, the lyrics from this prayer/hymn (from my school days!), ‘to be understood as to […]

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You were so very special…

Another poem we chose for Abi’s church service, read by another uncle. You were so very, very special And were so from the start We held you in our arms But mainly in our hearts. And like a single drop of rain That on still waters fall, Your life did ripples make And touched the […]

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To a Butterfly (1801)

A poem we chose to be read at Abi’s church funeral service, read beautifully by one of Abi’s uncles. It was one we’d read to her in the past and reminded us of her. I’ve watched you now a full half-hour; Self-poised upon that yellow flower And, little Butterfly! indeed I know not if you […]

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When tomorrow starts without me…

We chose the complete version of this well-known poem to be the only reading at Abi’s brief cremation service. Finding a reading which meant something and was not overly sentimental was very difficult. Nothing seemed to be fitting for Abi’s ‘final word’… nothing could be. But this poem spoke to us, it was both a […]

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