Remembering Abi on her 16th birthday 

Having just seen Abi’s 16th birthday come and go, I realised it never gets easier. This is her fourth birthday in heaven. Abi’s 13th birthday was ten months after she died, in 2013. It felt unbearable. She was so looking forward to becoming a teenager, she’d already been thinking about what she might do. We had […]

Read More

A letter to you on your sixteenth birthday 

I pause before even writing a word as the thought of you turning 16 in heaven breaks my heart all over again. I’m sorry sweetheart. I know you are safe, I feel that, but I feel so lost without you near me. You’re the one who is safe, I’m the one running scared. My mind […]

Read More

I should be organising your 16th birthday party

I’m at a loss. How do you ‘celebrate’ your child’s birthday when they are dead? I should be chasing around here and there, buying balloons, presents, sorting things out, baking an amazing cake. Instead I sit here and can only do these things in my head, while my stomach churns with longing and my eyes […]

Read More

A picture of health

This is a picture of Abi and me on holiday in about 2011. I love the health and happiness radiating from BOTH of us in this picture. Of course, there was never any sign that Abi would have a brain haemorrhage two years later but what struck me when I saw this was not Abi particularly, […]

Read More

Before and after our grief

My husband’s car is on its last legs. We need to start thinking about replacing it before we spend too much more on it. He’s put it off for far too long and spent too much money keeping it going, but I know he loves the car mostly because of the times he spent with […]

Read More

A new way to mark the anniversary of our daughter’s death

Another year has rolled around since Abi was last here… on 6th February we were forced to remember the day she collapsed. On 10th February, we thought of the moment we sat by her bedside as the doctor turned off her life support and said goodbye. But mostly, we were reminded of the time when she was ‘ripped’ […]

Read More

Abi’s Black Belt

On this day, two years ago, Abi fulfilled a four-year-long ambition… to earn her junior black belt in Kung Fu.

Read More

I dreamt of you

In my morning sleep, the sleep before the day begins, I saw you Clear, real, here You were standing on the landing, in the doorway to our bedroom. From my bed, I talked to you Like I used to You up and ready for the day Me rousing from sleep You looked a year or […]

Read More

The significance of memorial flowers

Today is Remembrance Day and war memorials all over the country are displaying poppy wreaths in memory of those who lost their lives serving our country. The Tower of London featured a magnificent and moving poppy tribute this year. It got me thinking about the symbolism of memorial flowers and what that means to me […]

Read More

New mobile case collection in Abi’s memory

A few months ago I bought a new mobile phone cover with Abi’s photo on it. A brave move for me as it had been, and still is, hard for me to look at pictures of her. It was so well made and quickly delivered that I wrote a review of the company.

Read More