Self-care encompasses anything that helps us unwind or makes us feel good, from little things such as sipping a hot cup of coffee and reading a book to spa weekends and aerobic workouts. The point is to not forget about you while you’re busy spinning numerous plates, and particularly when life is going wrong or is throwing up more challenges than usual. Taking a moment to care for ourselves is one way to help us find hope and restoration when we are up against it.
Self-care is not just a nice thing to do, it’s an essential part of survival. Taking time for yourself will lift a mood, improve self-esteem and dilute stress, to name a few benefits. I find it makes me calmer, less irritable and clears my mind.
Being kind to yourself when you are grieving
Because grief is so personal, how you find your peace is also different for each person.
When you’re grieving, self-care in the traditional sense can very hard to do. I had been a busy working mum who made time for regular exercise, reading books and lunches with friends, but found I couldn’t do any of these. It was another layer of grief to lose my ‘self’ too.
It was two years before I could do anything remotely relaxing. I tried a gentle exercise class with meditation but my anxiety went through the roof as I lay there feeling my heartbeat slowing. Meditation felt like dying to me.
I finally went for a facial, but again, I had to fight the urge to run. It’s crazy as it seems such an innocent, ‘lovely’ thing to do.
I couldn’t read a book for years after Abi died. There was no head room for escapism in popular fiction.
In those early years, I had to find a way to care for myself without the painful reminders and anxieties. It wasn’t easy. I had to think outside the box.
Five ways to make time for yourself when you are grieving
Journalling – Writing using ink and paper is a proven therapeutic method as it works on different parts of your brain, enabling you to process and release emotion. It was this that inspired my grief journal. I always feel calmer after a writing session.
Walking – Being outside getting fresh air is a popular stress reliever. In my grief haze, I’d look intently at the details of everything: the patterns on the pavement, the shapes of the trees, the clouds and skies. Walking allows your mind to wander and helps process thoughts. On difficult days, walk somewhere different, to avoid having conversations with people. I quite like the simple passing greeting of a stranger as it helps me feel normal without the pressure of talking about me.
Resting – Not wanting to see anyone is a common aspect of grief. Just having a space at home to be peaceful but without going out is helpful. My bedroom often is a place I like to lie down in the day, as I can look out of the window, watch the birds and clouds, rest and reflect. With a busy home, finding solitude is near impossible but grab moments when you can.
Showering – Baths while lovely can be a hassle, but showers can be equally therapeutic. There’s something about the water pouring over you and down that washes you yet cloaks you in warmth and comfort. It’s also a safe, quiet place to cry.
Photography – Being behind the lens can give you a fresh perspective on what you are seeing. By focusing on the detail of a moment, you can almost step inside it, and forget the overwhelm around you.
These self-care moments have helped me walk through the bad days. Knowing ways I can help myself, gently, without guilt or fear, goes a long way to getting me through them.
What about you? What are the ways you look after yourself through difficult times?
Chasing Dragonflies 
That all sounds just about right 💔